So Halloween’s tomorrow, and of course I’m excited! I think the majority of us Star Wars fans are. Candy, kids (I love door-greeting), and costumes! (Oh, and pretty much anything to do with pumpkins) Some of my favorite things year-round are center stage this time of year! Now I’ll be honest… I don’t care too much for the “spooky” side of Halloween; I mean, I really don’t care for horror movies and gore, is that so weird? I’m scared enough by some of the yard decorations people put up. But I do like parodies and “fun-spooky” stuff, if that makes any sense. Let’s just say I like movies best when good guys win and bad guys don’t terrify me to the point of covering my eyes. And as you all know, I love the SW movies and shows. So… how is it I could come up with a whole post’s worth of ideas for a Star Warsian Haunted House?
Well, part of the reason is thanks to my cousin’s boyfriend, who is a master at scaring people and runs haunted houses every so often. Oh, the hilarious stories he’s told of making grown men cry… XD So that’s partially inspired me here. Plus, there are situations, creatures, people, and places that would make any of us scream and freak out if we were there in our heroes’ shoes. I mean, when I watch Episode II, I delight in watching Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Padme taking on those monsters on Geonosis. But if I were there? The nexu would’ve killed me in about three seconds (I’m in decent shape, but I am not a fast runner), if it hadn’t, I would’ve been screaming the whole time. But that’s why they’re the Jedi and the super-strong politician and I’m not. And hey, now that Disney own Lucasfilm, maybe they could do something like this for their Halloween festivities at the parks! So I’ve taken the time to visualize what a super-cool, super-creepy, and super-fun SW Haunted House would look like! My recommendation is to turn the lights on if you haven’t already, because it’s about to get spooky up in here… O.O
NOTE: Contains spoilers from Episode I, Episode II, Episode III, Episode IV, Episode V, Episode VI, and the Clone Wars episodes Lair of Grievous, Cat And Mouse, Legacy of Terror, Brain Invaders, and Witches Of The Mist.
So imagine this: you walk in, and it’s dark and dusty…
It’s Palpatine’s office. As you all know, it has big windows, very red, contemporary-ish. A lot of SW heroes have walked in there, not knowing the horrific truth of the old man in the big chair… but no one’s been in here for like, ever. And the lights are long gone, with only the flickering lights of Coruscant traffic to see by. If some form of spiders exist in the SW Universe, they’ve probably weaved their webs all over the place (Admiral Trench, perhaps? :lol:). Perhaps the window’s still broken from where a long-ago struggle took place? You feel a chill, but you’re not sure if it’s the wind coming through the hole in the window or if it’s your own fear…
You tell yourself that there’s nothing to be afraid of, and you decide to walk (ratherly quickly) down a strange hallway that you, as the SW superfan you are, know was never there… and you walk right smack into a freaky statue, hidden in the shadows. Of some gaunt-looking alien. In fact, there are a lot of these statues. You wince at this, seeing that the fellow wasn’t the most friendly or jovial sort. But then you see… a bunch of masks. Old, dusty, still untouched for the most part… and the strange thing could only belong to GENERAL GRIEVOUS! As soon as you realize that somehow you’ve wandered into Grievous’ lair, you want to get out. Was that an old dismembered robotic hand of his laying in the foyer, one he lost when Kit Fisto had entered in? Sheesh, the kaladeesh could’ve stood to clean up around here. But you, having seen the TCW episode Lair Of Grievous, know that there’s a trapdoor somewhere around here, and you do NOT want to fall down it. So now you’re torn between running for your life or walking carefully to avoid said trap. You have a seriously bad feeling about this… but all the same…
After running for a bit, trying to find an exit, the ground suddenly falls out from under you. You fear the worst, that a boiling red pit awaits you. Oh, but it is so much worse…
You’ve suddenly fallen into the Death Star trash compactor.
The very thing that gave SW fans everywhere clastrophobia. It’s old, untouched, and not moving. But aside from the fact it smells more rank than usual, you flinch at the slightest creaking sound. And oh yeahhhh there might be… something… in the sludgy water. It’s dark; you can’t see anything up there, so against your better judgement, you hold your breath and dive under, hoping a vicious dianoga doesn’t await you.
Down there, the water seems strangely clearer; still murky, but it doesn’t seem to be trashy and gross. But that’s the problem… there’s always a bigger fish. All around you in the shadowy, dark water, you don’t need Jedi powers to sense that something, or some THINGS are swimming around you.
Liiiiiike maybe some of those infamous Naboo water creatures? Was that the tail of a sando? It takes you about three seconds to swim to the surface. And once you’re able to breathe again, you realize you’re not in the trash compactor anymore.
You’re in one of Jabba’s Palace dungeons. Ohhhh noes…
It’s old and musty, and nothing seems to be in there. Except perhaps, the large rodent-like things creeping around the walls, squeaking an unearthly squeak that makes your skin crawl. You turn around to where a sliver of light has fallen and you see something small and green and round… OMG THAT IS A GEONOSIAN BRAIN WORM EGG. The knowledgable SW fan you are can’t comprehend as to why the dungeon has brain worm eggs in it, but your body’s fight-or-flight response could care less. You start looking around everywhere for an exit, for the source of the light, for something… as one of the worms cracks out of its shell.
It was then you see that the sliver of light was coming from an small opening near the floor, perhaps where guards poked through prisoner’s food. You desperately try to fit through, but it’s too small. However, somewhere, wedged in that old thing is a rusty key. You jam that sucker in the gate’s lock faster than you can say “that is one ugly bug” and make a run for it down yet another hallway. And you start thinking “why are there so many stinkin’ hallways??” But dude, it’s a haunted house. What do you expect?
And the hallways naturally have creepy crawlies crawling about. Your foot squishes in something; you tell yourself to not look. You keep running. You trip over something. And yeah, it’s something, or somebody’s bone. This place may be deserted, but you aren’t alone… it must be huge. Rancor? Acklay? Wampa?
Out of nowhere, a blood-curdling shriek rips out as a mynock on the dungeon wall jumps out at you! And there’s no glass between you this time! Again, you get up and run. Spooked by the critter, but knowing that mynocks are hardly the most dangerous creatures, you feel a little better. You finally see the hallway open up.
At first glance, it seems just like a normal old room. But as a small light reveals, this is an old, crashed ship of some sort. As you look closer… it’s the ruins of an AT-AT. You can’t make all the details out, but there might be some dead stormtroopers lying around, and that’s quite enough evidence for you. Huh. For as long as you’d been a SW fan you’d always wanted to see the inside of an AT-AT… now all you want to do is get out as you check behind you for any more creepy creatures.
You finally find an opening, and once you’ve squeezed your way out of the old machine’s exit, you think it’s all over, and a part of you’s like “I think I want to go in that haunted house again!” But then you realize that everything is really, really red. You have walked out of that All-Terrain Armored Transport into Dathomir. You turn your head over an inch and choke back a scream; it’s one of those pods where the zombie Nightsisters come out of!! You soon realize it’s empty, and that’s because… THERE’S ONE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!
You let loose a scream. If you’re a guy, it’s embarrassingly girly.
Then you realize that the zombie happens to be dead still. just happened to have been stuck in that old tree behind you. Or at leas, it seems to be dead. But you don’t stick around to find out.
Again, you run. You find what looks to be an old crashed Republic Cruiser. You get on, only to suddenly find yourself, well, not on a ship of any sort, but back in Palpatine’s office.
Do you choose to vamoose out of the Haunted House entirely, or do you choose to go try a new hallway?
I’ll leave that up to you. Where you go next is your choice. If you could build anything into a SW Haunted House? What would you choose?
Oh, and a quick word of advice…
Keep The Peace and Have a Star-Wars-tacular Halloween!